just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
