I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
