one might say we're banned from that church
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
