and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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