For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I could fuck to npr.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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