i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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