Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
