I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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