The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
