just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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