when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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