So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
