He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
