Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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