Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
