Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
