3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
