but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He felt like a one man threesome
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
