dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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