Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
