for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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