Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
