I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
