Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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