Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
