I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
