is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
