I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
