I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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