Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
