made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
