he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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