So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
