forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
