yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
