Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
