Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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