God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
