i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
