Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
