Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
