remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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