dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
