That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
