i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
