Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
