So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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