why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
