He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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