The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
