I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
