I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
