Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
